Day 3: Planning, Ambition & Rededication

EDITED: 8:21 PM 4/30

two exams today - got a 95 and a 96.

so if you're keeping a tally, that's 3 exams and a 100, 95, and 96 so far since i resolved to refocus. things are looking spectacular right now. first time in weeks that i've broken a 90 on any exam, and went far beyond that. things on the home front are looking good again, and the wheels of the moving process have begun to turn. last night i also went to sleep without any assistance from any substances. i know that the brunt of the credit for that goes to the anatomy of the lower extremities, since i spent the day studying until i was utterly exhausted.

i did however manage to take a short break from studying to chitchat with a new friend. it felt nice to be able to have someone to talk to who knows the ins and outs of the current situation that i find myself in.

on top of that, in the past 3 days i have written 3 full songs. when i finally get around to recording them, i'm sure those of you who have kept tabs on my musicial progress over the years will notice a change in my demeanor, subject matter, and maturity. things have been bottled up inside me the past couple of weeks, and i unloaded everything into what i've written recently. hopefully people will enjoy what i'm working on.

back in the gym now as well, my shins are completely splintered up from the heavy bag. someone my size shouldn't be made to throw kicks rapidly, but i find it way more fun than running or those elliptical machines that everyone seems to be so tantalized with.

i haven't the slightest inkling of where all this extra free time has come from, but i'm enjoying everything. i'm trying to stay positive and not let any sort of negative thoughts enter my mind. as long as molly is happy, i'm happy, and it took a moment of mature contemplation for me to arrive at that conclusion.

in the spirit of keeping this blog positive, i'm not even gonna get started on the yankees. i have so much to say about my beloved yanks, but just the mere thought of how the team looks thusfar instantly forces my blood to boil. i pass. i'll write about the inevitable train wreck next time.

oh and i finally got around to posting some older vids on youtube. i just recently posted some gems and classics from last summer @ the poker mansion. unsurprisingly, the early star of the videos i've posted seems to be blue. the man is a walking comedy show. check it out: http://www.youtube.com/user/addict4hiphop/. i highly recommend the video titled: "Blue Is Feelin It" - it is a heartfelt homage to hoboken and the jersey shore.

oh and for all blackberry users, hit me with your bb pin#. i've finally upgraded.

in what i find to be a complete coincidence, the fact that i'm going through what i'm going through just so happens to coincide with the official release (fucking finally!) of the video for "it's you (i think)" by my good friend stan (aka substantial). this song is incredibly genius in all aspects of the word, from the production, lyrics, feel, and overall vibe. the 2nd video i'm posting is the video for "can't let go" by myself and ron verbal as produced by angelo benjamin, which also seems to fit my overall mood. hope you all enjoy.



"...it's like we love to live and live to love // oh how tough it is to give it up // when there's enough to get can't get enough // and when it gets rough you ask yourself 'is this love?'..." - substantial



i shall close this post with a message i received in my mailbox this morning. i read these every morning, and for some reason the one i received today seemed so fitting.

"Good morning! Never let other people's opinions hold you back. Only you know your potential! Here's some facts: Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, Walt Disney was told he lacked imagination, and one record company told the Beatles "we don't like your sound". Keep going!

God Is Love,
Rev Run"

hopefully it makes some of you feel the way i felt when i read it.

sometimes when you realize your life was poorly constructed and doomed to fail, you must take it all apart and carefully put the pieces back together yourself to ensure it's stability, success, and longevity. i'm currently in the process of doing so, and although i'm still very early on in my construction project, i'm already beginning to notice the benefits. don't be afraid to start back at square one. change is not always a bad thing.

it's always a pleasure...

I Can See Clearly Now, The Rain Is Gone...

i had a moment of clarity.

given my sleeping conditions last night combined with the fact that i had the whole day today to myself to sit back, ponder, reflect, and think, i was able to start to finally make sense of the mess that is in my head.

i thought for a while that i knew exactly what i wanted, would be patient for as long as necessary to get what it is i want, and to settle for no less.

as my thoughts twisted themselves into intricate knots, i finally started to see the truth of what i want.

the brain and the heart are rarely ever in agreement. usually what your heart wants is not what your brain tells you is best. usually what your brain knows you need is exactly what will make your heart hurt.

i realize that i was going with what my heart said.

i realize that i was going against what my brain told me.

i realize that what truly may be best for me is what my brain tells me to do, despite how my heart feels.

if your heart stops, your brain can still function for a limited period of time.

if your brain stops, you're gone. heart and everything else shuts down.

the brain is stronger...so i'm gonna start going with what it tells me.